Bulwer-Lytton

Greg, my book-dealer and bibliophile, always keeps me in the loop when it comes to witty contests requiring sharp-tongued writers to churn out some quality (or not) work. The annual Bulwer-Lytton is probably my favorite contest, and the results were published recently. Here are some of my favorite entries:


"Please Mr. Fox, don’t take your magic back to the forest, it is needed here in Twigsville!” pleaded little Isabel, but Mr. Fox was unconcerned as he smugly loped back into the woods without answering a word knowing well that his magic was only going to be used to make sure his forest would be annexed into the neighboring community of Leaftown where the property values were much higher.

-Pete Watkins, Broken Arrow, OK

The dark, drafty old house was lopsided and decrepit, leaning in on itself, the way an aging possum carrying a very heavy, overcooked drumstick in his mouth might list to one side if he were also favoring a torn Achilles tendon, assuming possums have them.

-Scott Davis Jones, Valley Village, CA

She purred sensually, oozing allure that was resisted only by his realization as an entomologist that the protein dust on the couch from the filing of her crimson nails was now being devoured by dust mites in a clicking, ferocious, ecstatic frenzy.

-Jonathan Blay, Bedford, Canada

I'm Famous. (Not)

Here I am, blurry and looking really miserable, at Bar Isabel last week. You think I would at least have looked like a normal 23 year old, out at a bar on a Thursday night. My long-off death stare really isn't a good look for me. But when I found myself on Facebook, I figured I had to post it.

The guy with the salt and pepper curls is the owner, and is the only man I have seen to ever look truly fabulous in leather pants.

Vamos Carajo

I am so proud of Arg. (Not proud of the moment when Tevez was taken out of the game, but that is neither here nor there at this point.)


We're off to the quarterfinals and I am so excited for the game against Germany. Many look at this as the revenge/rematch for the 1990 Final where Germany robbed us of the title by making a penalty kick (on a penalty that wasn't!!!). Earlier in the day, in the England vs. Germany game, we were reminded of 1966 when Germany was robbed of a goal which cost them the title. Today the roles were reversed and poor Engy lost their steam after the goal was discounted. I am still in disbelief and now the debate has begun over how FIFA is managing this World Cup. What matters to them more? Improving the game or making money off of it? People are starting to think that the latter is winning out ....

Mi Corazón Gitano

I don't have any idea if Shakira's (not so new) single "Gitana" has come out in the US, if anyone has heard it, or it anyone cares. I have probably watched the video on YouTube 20 times and I'm not tired of it yet. It doesn't hurt that Nadal is Shaki's gypsy lover either.

Is there anyone more fabulous than Shakira? I absolutely adore her. Her charity work, her ability to speak 6 languages, and the fact that she really seems to be totally low-profile and genuinely kind ... Shaks will you be my best friend? Bring Nadal when we hang out.

Since I have nothing else to write about (not true but I am busy watching the World Cup)
HERE is the link to the video.

God Bless America

"We aren't done yet. We had a bad decision against Slovenia (when a late goal was ruled out), but we are Americans. We get on with it, we don't complain," said the goalscorer Donovan.

Happy Flag Day

Also Happy 1st day of Winter! Is today the shortest day of the year? That means Spring is only a daydream away ....

Thanks Will

Will sent me this. Now please will someone tell me how on earth the referee said that Edu's goal wasn't legit because of a foul on our end? Is this a joke? I hate everyone who craps on the US for not being a soccer-centric country - yeah it's a bummer and it would be cool if we were like the rest of the world, but I feel like that bad attitude ref didn't want us to win at a sport that we don't care about as much as football.

BYE

Wondering

How long do I have to be taking Omega-3/Fish oil for it to make my hair and nails strong, shiny and fabulous?? Seriously people.

Where I spent my Thursday night

Bar Isabel

Surrounded by people who look like this

Reason # 903 to love Tony

From his blog, found here:

"Sitting at La Coupole with my wife, in-laws and Eric and savaging a massive shellfish tower, I turn to see my daughter happily slurping oysters. A few moments later, recognizing her friend "Sebastian", the adorable lobster from "The Little Mermaid" perched atop a pile of crushed ice, she calls his name -- followed by "Num, num!!" and not allowing sentiment to stand in the way of deliciousness, proceeds to rip the meat out of his tail and devour him. Daddy's little girl. So proud."

The Festivities

I just got some great photos from La Nación's website and thought I would share them with you! The intensity and passion that Argentina feels for soccer is really remarkable, and I guess you could compare it with how Americans feel for a certain baseball or football team, but it really isn't the same. Also, Argentines don't mix sports and booze like we do, which is odd but refreshing - at least when you know that if the Americans were watching the game at 7:30 AM they would all be drunk before halftime! (please note giant inflatable Maradona head at the Obelisco)



Life pretty much stood at a standstill this morning - the normal rush hour that clogs the highways before 9 AM was nonexistent today, with everyone rushing downtown at 7:30 before the game started. No one went to work, with groups of people crowding in bars, TV stores, bakeries, makeshift viewing areas, and Plaza San Martín (with its huge giant screen!) It was a great game to watch, especially because Maradona and Huh faced each other as players in the '86 World Cup in Mexico. The result was the same, with Argentina coming out ahead, and apparently Maradona's famous arrogance was in full force again today.


Messi didn't play as well as he should have, but Tévez and Higuaín made up for his sloppiness (Sorry, Pulga). So excited to watch them face Greece on Tuesday afternoon!!

Vamos Argentina Carajo!

What a great victory today! I love that no one here went to work this morning and everyone got together to watch the game against South Korea. Why can't America be like that? (Sorry)

I need to have a camera on Diego at all times during the games. He looks so funny in his suit it kills me.

Not to mention these pictures....

QT with the bloggy

I love coming home from work to Felicity re-runs. I never get tired of them. But can we talk about one thing - WHY DOES SHE CHOOSE BEN? Seriously. This guy has a violent temper, a gambling problem, and all he does is whisper 24/7. These are not admirable traits, ladies.

Anyway, I have found some funny YouTube gems for everyone to enjoy. One in the theme of the World Cup, and the other in honor of my favorite Argentine TV show "Policías en Acción" (Think COPS in Spanish. And way funnier).

Here is the link to the first video (I still have not figured out how to embed anything in this little doohickey) LINK

And here is the video from COPS Argentina style. I know it's in Spanish so I will give you a little set-up. A couple has a motorcycle accident and they are sent from one hospital to another, worse clinic to be seen by a doctor. The husband wasn't wearing his helmet and is suffering from really bad short-term memory loss. Every five seconds he asks his wife "What happened?" - After about 10 times of that she is about to give him a serious smackdown. Candela is the name of their daughter, who wasn't with them, but he keeps asking after her even after he is assured that she is safe and sound. It's completely hilarious even if you can't understand Spanish 100%

Here you go, Candela... LINK

Another little gem I wanted to share with the world is the magic and mystery of the man Ricardo Fort. He's all over the place here in Argentina as he is the heir to the chocolate empire Felfort (they make excellent Argentine versions of the peppermint patty) and has launched a PR campaign to remain trivial yet relevant at all costs. He is filthy rich and completely lacking in any taste or humility. As disgusting and revolting as he is, he is successful in achieving 24/7 media attention - it's like you just can't look away no matter how repelled you are by his eyeliner and ruffly tuxedo and sequin blouses.



Ricardo is a former contestant on "Dancing with the Stars" and is now back as a Judge. Therefore, three times a week, we can tune into "ShowMatch" and basically watch his insanity unfold. Literally, his face is sculpted of Botox and silicone, and all he does is brag about how much money he has and how many women are in love with him. He dated a few of the women who are participating in the competition, and he breaks up/makes up at least once a week. He'll take any chance he gets to brag about his Rolls Royce, private plane taking him to Miami, his entourage of security guards and how even with 3 lifetimes he couldn't spend all the money that he has.



The tagline of his website proclaims "Welcome to Ricardo Fort's website. This page is not for those who suffer from problems of envy."

This is a man who wears rhinestone cowboy boots not ironically. A man who thinks that Ed Hardy shirts look even better when they're 3 sizes too small. A man who stages photoshoots on the beach with 60 year old washed up icons (Graciela Alfano) so the public can see him prance around with her, topless (complete with lopsided implants).



He is so disgusting that I find him completely fascinating. It's so ridiculous - his ego is probably one of the most incredible things known to man.

For good measure here is a photo of Ricardo and his very classy girlfriend (ex) Virginia Gallardo:

This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis. Welcome to Buenos Aires.

Frances M.

Is currently in the Turks & Caicos on a restful and restorative vacation with Jeff, and she just sent me the most hilarious email. I feel compelled to share:

"Am alone on beach near the most stereotypically Latin couple on planet. Never ever ever in my life have I seen a butt so big attached to a tiny tiny waist. I don't understand. I don't know how you live- they are beautiful but have photoshoots and make out and then throw tantrums and rage and then make up and float linked together in ocean. I'm doing a character study and it soooo intriguing."

random.

Ok I know I haven't posted anything in forever but this is a quick little blurb about something I finally saw on tv last night.

"16 and Pregnant" is perhaps the most depressing show I have ever seen. It made me so, so sad for these young girls who are often just abandoned by their boyfriends once their tiny babies are born. I'm not saying that they are free of responsibility, but my heart just broke for this poor girl who was taking care of her 2 month old baby while her boyfriend TEXTED her "ok you fat stretch mark bitch, just tell me when and where I have to sign over the papers for this mistake." Who says that? Who can treat another human being with such disrespect? I wanted to beat up that little jerk for days - and I would love, love, love to meet the gems of parents who raised him to speak and act in such a way. Not everyone is ready for such a challenge at that young of an age, but that doesn't mean that we can't act in a kind and graceful manner toward others! Hmph.

Also, I am so pained by this BP oil spill. I put on the news or read things online and tears well up in my eyes when I see these defenseless animals covered in layers of oil, dying slowly and suffering because of a human error. I feel for those on the coasts that are affected and I was in shock when I read that "cleanup" (Whatever the heck that even means) will take until Fall. How can a company be so careless? Of course this could have been prevented. I am so angry with companies who work in dangerous or environmentally sensitive sectors and who don't seem to understand the magnitude of the consequences of their hastiness, greed, or whatever one wants to call it. Unfortunately, our dependence on the globalized way of life will only suffer more - everything is so interconnected and reliant on everything else that there isn't an easy way to remedy the situation.

Not sure how I ended up on that little rant but there you go.

It's cold here and I like it. I love the brisk fall air that wakes me up in the mornings as I drag myself from Basavilbaso to work. It feels good to wear my favorite pair of boots with a nice sweater as I bundle up to face the day. Regardless I am still dreaming of Punta in January but Buenos Aires in autum is truly spectacular.

I am having a big hankering for the Paper Source right now.

Most Beautiful College Library

This is so random but I am so proud of Bapst! I always thought it was incredibly beautiful ... and now I see it has one that special distinction from a semi-random website called Campus Grotto.

José Hindu

José I love you, but I really wish you were from India sometimes ....

So we could have a wedding that looks like this: (images taken from Snippet & Ink)

Amor y Patria

The other week, before the Bicentennial festivities kicked off, there was a huge march that pranced through town all the way to the Plaza de Mayo (which happens to be just one block from my office). It was probably the largest gathering of native/indigenous Argentines I have seen in my three years here. They were banging their drums, waving technicolored flags, and demanding a stronger representation in the Bicentenario. I took several pictures on my blackberry but I just found the greatest photo ever! It really makes you feel as though you are right there in the thick of it with them!

Empanadas in NYC

I loved this article about those who thanks to the recession have had to become more creative in how they make money or start a business. From the NYT, the article mentions a Korean woman who grew up in Buenos Aires and now sells empanadas every week at this food market in Brooklyn.

You can read the entire piece here

Now just stare into the photo of the golden brown empanadas and let yourself be mesmerized. I die. She makes hers with beef, kimchi and chorizo. I love that! I need kimchi. I wish the Korean restaurants and markets weren't way off the map - I would venture over to them in a heartbeat.

Falling Behind

I am a bad blogger!

oh well.

I am so sad about the BP oil spill. Every day I read about more failed attempts to stop the leak and my heart breaks for those on the Gulf Coast effected, especially the animals. I wish I could rescue them all and ensure their safety.

Fall/Winter is definitely here. I wore my toggle coat to work today. It felt good, but strange at the same time.

I also discovered a bag of mini snickers in the office. Hello chocolate. I can't stop eating them.

As I try to learn about Excel I wonder, does anyone REALLY know how to do every single function possible with that program? It's weird. I think Excel should be relegated to the storage room forever. It's too complicated. My eyes hurt when I look at spreadsheets for too long.

Today I need to go to the bank, pay a bill, fax something, put things in yellow and/or green file folders, and then harrass people who haven't paid us yet. Big Tuesday on tap today, folks.

How come just after I get a haircut I feel like split ends return almost immediately? My hair is awful, and it does not obey me. I had better hair in 2008. Speaking of 2008 last night I looked through pictures of senior year and I got nostalgic. We had so much fun.

Ok that's all for now. Back to staring.