Bulwer-Lytton

Greg, my book-dealer and bibliophile, always keeps me in the loop when it comes to witty contests requiring sharp-tongued writers to churn out some quality (or not) work. The annual Bulwer-Lytton is probably my favorite contest, and the results were published recently. Here are some of my favorite entries:


"Please Mr. Fox, don’t take your magic back to the forest, it is needed here in Twigsville!” pleaded little Isabel, but Mr. Fox was unconcerned as he smugly loped back into the woods without answering a word knowing well that his magic was only going to be used to make sure his forest would be annexed into the neighboring community of Leaftown where the property values were much higher.

-Pete Watkins, Broken Arrow, OK

The dark, drafty old house was lopsided and decrepit, leaning in on itself, the way an aging possum carrying a very heavy, overcooked drumstick in his mouth might list to one side if he were also favoring a torn Achilles tendon, assuming possums have them.

-Scott Davis Jones, Valley Village, CA

She purred sensually, oozing allure that was resisted only by his realization as an entomologist that the protein dust on the couch from the filing of her crimson nails was now being devoured by dust mites in a clicking, ferocious, ecstatic frenzy.

-Jonathan Blay, Bedford, Canada